the end of life...

20.6.2011
around 7p.m  i received a call from sis...
she told me that grandpa,had passed away...
instantly, i felt numb and cried the very next moment...
the thing that i hate and fear most had took place...


had a week leave...
manage grandpa's funeral..
i thought i will be strong enough...
not to cry again upon reaching...
but the moment grandpa told me that grandpa said that he love me lots,
i just broke down...
i am really bad and unforgivable...
he loves me most...
by the time he was leaving,I'm not there with him...
somehow if i was there,i can't imagine how i will react...


but that's life...
i will take this as a loophole...
grandpa unable to jump over this hole...
so he is now crossing the bridge to the another end...
a new world=H.E.A.V.E.N
escaping and free of pain...
where peace and serenity takes place..
and I'm sure he will be up there watching and guiding all of us...


it's the moment when touched grandpa's body inside the coffin...
he was cold..
but the gentle smile on his face...
the last time ever  for me to see him again...
the heart-to-heart talk...
i told him i was proud to be his granddaughter...
may we will be close relatives,the blood ties...
the next new life...
and leave this world to another world peacefully...


it's the last day of funeral...
we need to grab the soil and place them where the coffin was buried..
i grab the soil and place them somewhere near the coffin...
and take a glance for the last time..
and never look back again...
and that's the end of grandpa's life journey...
and a new reborn..


but...
there i will not be able to call him grandpa,see him again,taste his soup,shopping with him,bring him to the park,no one teach me to drive the manual car...
grandpa was the only one dare to teach me driving the manual car..
that time i still haven got my licence...
so that's him...
always think for me,sacrificed everything for me...
I'm sure i won't be able to find anyone there that's willing to hear all my grudge and advise me softly...



but...I'm not worry at all...
logically he seem to leave me..
I'm sure our bond will joint till forever...
and he is now up there watching for me..
not to take any wrong steps..


there's no use crying...
now i shall look to the front, the future...
as long as the great moments and memories...
that no one else can take away...
will remain and be with me till the end...
the LORD had took grandpa away..
but HE is unable to take away the memories between me and grandpa...
at least there's the legacy grandpa leave behind..
the memories that will last till forever...
at least we had the moments before...
and there will be no regret..

~ back to reality ~

grrrhhhh....
my 3 days break came to and end...
woaahh....
happy moments , free of works and stress..
i really enjoy the break..
but what can i do ??
let's just continue the journey...




this time back...
ALL my relatives had came back and we had our reunion...
we had steamboat..
enjoyable....
but i realised that my grandpa's health had turned worse...
each few weeks i back visit him,i felt my heart was aching...
i tried to control my tears...
he even kept the dried mango i love just for me...
this veery strong bond and kinship...
how can i bear the lose of him one day ?
i don't want he to see my crying...
i shall just let GOD decide everything...
how much i wish i can spend more time to accompany him...


so from now on..
i will live my life to the fullest..
appreciate and care about every single soul that you love...
don't leave behind feeling regret...
'regret' is the feeling that will haunt us and we will never find peace..

so in the start of new week ahead...
i shall control my temper and never get mad easily...
be cheerful all the time and have cultivate positive-thinking...
may GOD show me the right path...
and to have the great energy to fight for the rights...

# CHEERS #

~ for the first time ~

Yesterday  i along with 3 dear friends went to the town...
hang-out ~
we took a cab there...
for the first time we went out together...they are all so damn funny..we seem laughing till our intestines burst out lo...
we went for a great shopping-spree...
dian said she spent $$ so easily as drinking water..
that's true she was really a shopaholic, shopping-queen...

we bought the same shirts,same gown,same shoes,same facial products,same watch, same necklace...
LOL...
we are going be 'two-in-one'...
but it's feeling great and awesome...

then we had our meal at village garden...
steamboat....
its super hot,sour  made my tongue numb..the homemade chilli sauce was killing...
then we had our movie...
'X-MEN : FIRST CLASS'...all of us was sooo in love with the PROFESSOR X=CHARLES..
he is not very handsome like edward cullen,
but he portray something that made us fall in love with him..
i simply can't say what's that...
it's like a chemistry ~
i wish i had the same ability as professor...
as he has the ability to read into everyone's minds..
so he knows well what you are thinking...
wow soo great..,
how i wish i have this ability...
so i know what he is thinking ...
anyway its inpossible....
BUT THAT'S INDEED SOMEONE WITH THIS NATURE ABILITY...
perhaps only ten in this whole wide-world~

~ recovery ~

today woke up...

my friend say my face had slightly recover...

perhaps better than yesterday...

but i still fell itchy...

pray that all this will over soon....

and heal soon...

i don't want to scare people away lol...~

after this going to hang out with my gang at town...

yeeeppieee...

i simply love weekend...

let's play the party rock anthem..~

enjoy at the time being....

if not i'm sure the coming following weeks...

the overloaded works that have to do...

will drown us  for sure ~

that's all...

once again...
GOD , i PRAY that my face willl recover faster....

 hopefully by  next week it will gain its clarity complexion ~

...CHEERS...

great day...great friend~

~daily supplement ~

~ dictionary of law ~

from now on this will  be my 'daily supplement'...

this magic book will have the answers to all my questions...

that's what lecturer said...

but it's true...

furthermore...

this book was really amazing...

it can make me sleepy at  few seconds...

 and make me fall asleep at few minutes lol..

just now i was only flipping this book..and i went unconscious..~

zzzZZZzzZZZ...

i'm really so hopeless...

* sigh *

     

 

i realised i'm not the type that like to memorize all the facts...

but i have to ,

i need to...

i promise i won't give up like i used before...

I CAN'T !!

WHEN THE WORLD SAYS GIVE  UP ,

'HOPE' ACTUALLY WHSPERS :

TRY IT ONE MORE TIME...~

     

miracle does happen...

and we have to create the very 'miracle'...

❤❤BACK TO DECEMBER ❤❤

I'm so glad you made time to see me.
How's life? Tell me how's your family.
I haven't seen them in a while.
You've been good, busier than ever,
We small talk, work and the weather,
Your guard is up and I know why.
Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind.
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.


So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night,"
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you.
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I go back to December all the time.


These days I haven't been sleeping,
Staying up, playing back myself leavin'.
When your birthday passed and I didn't call.
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times,
I watched you laughing from the passenger side.
Realized that I loved you in the fall.


And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was "Goodbye".


So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time.


I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile,
So good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night --
The first time you ever saw me cry.


Maybe this is wishful thinking,
Probably mindless dreaming,
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right.


I'd go back in time and change it but I can't.
So if the chain is on your door I understand.


But this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."
And I go back to December...
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realize what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind


I go back to December all the time.
All the time.